Monday, August 29, 2016

Embracing my Season



Am I the only mom who looks at her children and can't believe that she's their mother?

Maybe but probably not. I swear I was just 21 yesterday and now I'm the mother of three amazing, beautiful children. Children who rely on me now but will eventually leave and start their own separate lives.

I try not to think about that too much because that's just living in the future instead of being present and embracing the season of motherhood that I'm in.

My season is littles running around, never having a completely clean house, temper tantrums and breaking up fights. It's love and exhaustion and frustration and joy on a daily (sometimes minute by minute) basis. It's being completely overwhelmed during the day and laying in a bed filled with little bodies at night knowing I wouldn't have life any other way.

This season of motherhood won't last long. One day I'll blink and my littles will be bigs and I'll swear that yesterday they were small enough to fit in my arms. Until then, I will try my hardest to embrace every moment of this season (even the temper tantrums, they'll make good stories later on) and let the future meet us when we get there.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Life and Anxiety in Paradise






We live in Paradise. A place where people dream of visiting yet I stay in the house. I have no motivation to leave, to explore. The desire is there. I want to get out but for some reason, it's almost like I'm held prisoner by imaginary bars...maybe there's one of those invisible electric fences surrounding my house and I'm the only one wearing a collar.

If I'm honest (which I really want to be here on this blog, in this space), this isn't new. This happened when we lived in Germany and I always had an excuse why it wasn't a problem but now, now it's obvious. I have only been to the beach once. The picture above with the bright blue sky, green grass and sparkling ocean wasn't taken by me. Will took this picture during one of his many trips to the beach with the kids. On this day in particular, I stayed locked in our hotel room like a vampire afraid to be touched by the sun.

Anxiety is something I've dealt with before. It's something I know I have to will defeat. I mean, what's the point of living in paradise if you don't bask in its aloha spirit.