On Turning 30

Thirty.

That magical number where you are supposed to have your shit stuff together. Everything is supposed to fall into place. Career, family, life, you know, EVERYTHING.
Well, my thirtieth birthday is fast approaching and I feel like I'm having a mid-life crisis. I am starting to realize that for the past two years, I have lived in a bubble. I live this quiet life in my little German village. And I was just fine with that until a letter from Social Security reminded me that I did not make any income during 2013 (or 2014). That's when it hit me that for the last two years, according to the government, I haven't been doing anything with my life. Sure, I'm a stay at home mom of two young children. I know this and love this but when I return to the workforce, I will have to explain why I haven't' "worked" in two years (three years by the time we leave here).

That scares the crap out of me and sends me downward spiraling into anxiety wondering what I have to show for the past thirty years of my life. I have a family but no career, no degree (I will get that done though, pinky swear), no income of my own. I just have to keep reminding myself that I live a life that's perfect for me. That works for my family and if that doesn't fit into what society (and my environment) has taught me is acceptable for a thirty year old, then so be it. Anyways, thirty is the new twenty so I still have ten more years to figure things out.

Just Two

I offended Liam today. He asked for a snack and I told him to make sure he shares with this brother. He looked right at me and said, "Everything I ask for is for me and Asher". And he's right. If Liam asks for a toy at the store, you better believe he will ask for one for Asher. If he asks for a snack and Asher wants a piece of his (even though he has his own), you better believe Liam will share. Liam is the perfect big brother. Of course there are times when sharing doesn't come as easily and fighting does but that's completely normal.

When I look at the bond between Liam and Asher, I am amazed. Even though I would love to have baby number three, I wonder if adding another kid in the mix will disrupt what they have going on or maybe another sibling will just add to the love. I don't know but every time I see the boys hugging first thing in the morning and every night before bed, I hope that their bond lasts forever.