Dear Asher...

My little ball of emotion. Being two has been hard for you and I completely understand why. Your emotions are so big that it's hard to contain them in your little body. You want so badly to be understood, to be heard. It's understandable. There are times as a mama that I feel the same way. 

Even with so many emotions flowing, you are always such a loving soul. The way you softly touch my face when you talk to me, the way you do things with so much passion, these things make you, you (and definitely make up for the times that you're not so nice). 

You're going to be a great big brother once we establish that the baby who's hogging Mama is indeed the same baby that used to be in Mama's belly.   

Dear Liam...

You held Aurora for the first time today. The look of happiness on your face brings tears to my eyes as I write this. You are an amazing kid/son/being. You have a kind heart and a huge spirit that I both admire and envy.

I'll never forget this look because it's the same one I had when I held you (and Asher and now Aurora) for the first time.

It's a look of pure, organic love.

Dear Aurora Everly...

Your arrival into this world was fast and fierce. Even though we've been anxiously awaiting your arrival for weeks, you managed to surprise us.

The moment you were placed on my chest, it's almost as if I had everything I could ever need in life at that exact moment. My life, my world, my universe made sense and even though we'd just met, you'd always been a part of it. I felt the same way when I met your brothers. It's a feeling that's hard to understand or to explain but it's like seeing a piece of your heart in your hands. A piece of myself in the eyes of someone I've been waiting to meet my entire life.

Welcome to this chaos sweet tiny baby. 

Dear Liam...

Five years ago, we met for the first time. I held you in my arms and for a moment we stared at each other. Little did I know that tiny little baby would turn into the amazing little man you are now.

You have this energy, this spunk that I never had the chance to experience as a child. You're the kid I wish I could have been and even though I constantly try to tame you, I never want to break your spirit.

Today I wanted you to have the perfect birthday. Even though we weren't planning a birthday party, I wanted to make the day an extra special day, just for you. Well, it turns out that your birthday was a special day for me. Everything wasn't turning out the way I planned, the way I envisioned. You never complained because in your eyes, everything was perfect. You had the perfect, imperfect fifth birthday and gave me the best present of all: your happiness.

Happy birthday lovebug!

Dear Tiny Baby...

As I feel you move within my body, I realize that life wouldn't be the same without you in it. With every kick and stretch, I fall more and more in love with you. This is a feeling that only you and I share and maybe I'm a little selfish but I like it that way. Even though I share the magic of your movements with your dad and brothers, I know that it's not the same. It's almost as if we share a secret world that others get to visit. As much as I want to hold you in my arms, to finally see your face, I'm not ready for this secret world to end. So I'll keep cherishing this time we have together before I have to share you with everyone else. 

Love,

Mama

Just Two

I offended Liam today. He asked for a snack and I told him to make sure he shares with this brother. He looked right at me and said, "Everything I ask for is for me and Asher". And he's right. If Liam asks for a toy at the store, you better believe he will ask for one for Asher. If he asks for a snack and Asher wants a piece of his (even though he has his own), you better believe Liam will share. Liam is the perfect big brother. Of course there are times when sharing doesn't come as easily and fighting does but that's completely normal.

When I look at the bond between Liam and Asher, I am amazed. Even though I would love to have baby number three, I wonder if adding another kid in the mix will disrupt what they have going on or maybe another sibling will just add to the love. I don't know but every time I see the boys hugging first thing in the morning and every night before bed, I hope that their bond lasts forever.