Life and Anxiety in Paradise

We live in Paradise. A place where people dream of visiting yet I stay in the house. I have no motivation to leave, to explore. The desire is there. I want to get out but for some reason, it's almost like I'm held prisoner by imaginary bars...maybe there's one of those invisible electric fences surrounding my house and I'm the only one wearing a collar.

If I'm honest (which I really want to be here on this blog, in this space), this isn't new. This happened when we lived in Germany and I always had an excuse why it wasn't a problem but now, now it's obvious. I have only been to the beach once. The picture above with the bright blue sky, green grass and sparkling ocean wasn't taken by me. Will took this picture during one of his many trips to the beach with the kids. On this day in particular, I stayed locked in our hotel room like a vampire afraid to be touched by the sun.

Anxiety is something I've dealt with before. It's something I know I have to will defeat. I mean, what's the point of living in paradise if you don't bask in its aloha spirit.

A Simple Life.

I felt the need to simplify our life. The need to get rid of things like clutter while adding color and light to our lives. It really is a weird balance that we strive for. We're constantly told that we should want more and more but sometimes that comes with the neglect of experiences and simplicity (am I even making sense right now).

When Will and I first got married (we just celebrated our four year anniversary - holla!), I had this idea in my head of our "perfect" life. Our perfect house and our perfect kids. It took me awhile to realize that perfect, in the sense that I was reaching for, doesn't really exist and it really shouldn't. I can't expect a perfect house and perfect children if I want our lives to be full of experiences and color and patterns. I have to accept the mess that comes along with adding this sense of warmth to our lives.

I will admit that even though this desire for imperfection is strong, it is extremely hard for someone like me. I like structure and predictability. I like clean and sharp. Stepping outside of my comfort zone sends my anxiety levels sky high but I am trying a little more each day to accept the mess that comes with a house of warmth.

I'm currently working on lots of different areas of our house. I plan to share our progress soon and maybe even do a few DIY tutorials (although they probably won't be too interesting or as visually appealing as other blogs). I really do like this transition we're making in our home and in our lives. We're living in lots of color right now and I love it.