Thursday, April 17, 2014

29 years.

(This post was intended to go up on April 11th, the day after my birthday but I broke our router.)

Yesterday was my 29th birthday. I do not feel 29. I feel more like 24. It's weird to think about my life and where I'm at. Things have a way of working out quite differently than we imagined or planned. 10 years ago, I would laughed if someone told me I'd be a 29 year old Army wife and stay at home mom (with no degree). I probably would have said something like, "Do you think I'm stupid??!!". But here I am and it's not all that bad. This birthday has caused me to do a bit of self-reflecting. I realize that I am not a very happy person. I'm not sure if it's the lack of family/friends in my life or just the realization that I haven't lived up to my full potential.

Growing up (and even into college) I had a few adults take an interest in me but I never took advantage of their outstretched hand and mentorship. I always skated by doing the bare minimum and just accepting things as they came. I never realized that if I wanted to grow and improve as a person, it was up to me to do it. Instead I waited around for others to present me with opportunities and made half assed attempts when something finally fell into my lap. I wish I could say that was in the past but honestly, it isn't. This year, this 29th year, I plan to change that. I plan to work on my happiness but also work on building my self worth. I am worthy of opportunities for self growth and if those opportunities don't present themselves, I will go out looking for them.

All I can say is that this 29th year, I will grow as a person and 30 will be even better. 

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