Thursday, December 26, 2013

An Uncertain Future

I am a creature of habit. I hate change and I hate uncertainty. When something in my life (especially something I had planned for the future) changes, I worry non-stop. I go over numerous situations in my mind, thinking of every possible outcome (and usually the bad outweighs the good).

Our future is up in the air right now. We'll be in Germany for another two years but after that, we don't know. Will is leaning towards getting out of the Army but honestly, life outside of the military scares the living crap daylights out of me. The military has always been a part of my life. My dad enlisted when I was two and even though he only stayed in for four years, I grew up right outside of an Army base. I enlisted into the Air Guard at 18 and stayed in for 10 years only getting out because we were moving to a completely different country. When Will and I got married in 2010, he had already in the Army for almost three years. No matter where my life has taken me, the military has always remained a constant, a certainty.

I understand that being military gives you a false sense of security at times. You feel as though you can't survive in the civilian world when in reality, people survive everyday. I don't know if I could. I just don't know if I'm ready to leave the world I know to enter a world of unknown.

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