An Uncertain Future

I am a creature of habit. I hate change and I hate uncertainty. When something in my life (especially something I had planned for the future) changes, I worry non-stop. I go over numerous situations in my mind, thinking of every possible outcome (and usually the bad outweighs the good).

Our future is up in the air right now. We'll be in Germany for another two years but after that, we don't know. Will is leaning towards getting out of the Army but honestly, life outside of the military scares the living crap daylights out of me. The military has always been a part of my life. My dad enlisted when I was two and even though he only stayed in for four years, I grew up right outside of an Army base. I enlisted into the Air Guard at 18 and stayed in for 10 years only getting out because we were moving to a completely different country. When Will and I got married in 2010, he had already in the Army for almost three years. No matter where my life has taken me, the military has always remained a constant, a certainty.

I understand that being military gives you a false sense of security at times. You feel as though you can't survive in the civilian world when in reality, people survive everyday. I don't know if I could. I just don't know if I'm ready to leave the world I know to enter a world of unknown.

At This Moment...

I am fighting the urge to scream. Like an "at the top of my lungs" scream. So much is going on all at the same time that I feel caught in a tornado, spinning round and round with no end in sight.

I've lost myself. "Finding" myself has been on the top of my "To-Do" list for awhile now (along with mopping my floors) but it's hard to feel normal or "myself" (whoever that may be) when for the last three years, I have either been pregnant or nursing. My body and mind have been so dedicated to taking care of my tiny loves that I've almost forgotten how to take care of myself. It probably doesn't help that I am currently in the midst of deployment drama (Will's mother was sick and he came home on emergency leave but now we're trying to figure out if/when he's going to be heading back) as well as the Liam's pre-terrible three stage.

Ugghh. Oh, and I feel like horrible about complaining because I know our situation could be a lot worse. Now, I know this doesn't explain why this blog's neglected but I promise (pinky swear) that I will be back soon with updates on the boys and pictures from our flight back to the states to see Nana Shanna.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to relax and watch as many episodes of True Blood with my love. I may just need to watch while drinking lots of wine.

Germany, Here We Come!

Well, not at this exact moment but very soon.
One thing about the military is that there is never a set plan. You have to be flexible because things can change at the drop of a ACU/ABU hat.

This has never rang more true until about two weeks ago. Will's recruiting orders fell through and he decided to call Branch to see if there were any bases open right now. They told him that we had a choice between Alaska, Korea or Germany. Of course we picked Germany. We are excited. I, however, am completely freaking out. This will be our first move as a family and to make it more nervewrecking, it's overseas. There are so many details that we need to work out such as only being allowed to ship two dogs (we have three), only one vehicle shipped at the government's expense (we just bought a second car), etc.

This will be a crazy experience for us but every single person that I have talked to who has been stationed in Germany loved it. I really think this will give our family a much needed break, a change to spend time together and an opportunity to see lots of places in Europe.

Of course this move will bring about many changes in our lives (like a temporary end to my National Guard career) but we are accepting it with open arms and realizing how lucky and blessed we are. I'll keep you guys updated on our planning and moving over the next few months!

Will's Home (End of Operation New Dawn)!!!

Early (early) yesterday morning, Liam and I went to pick up Will who just finished his second year-long deployment in Iraq. We were super excited and more than ready to see the end of this deployment. We arrived at the ceremony site an hour early and got to chat with other wives. Finally the time came for the soldiers to file into the room and stand in formation. Once the soldiers were dismissed from their formation, Will made his way to the bleachers where we were standing. After greeting each other, I handed Liam over to Will and to my surprise, he didn't cry.

Over the last day, we've been working getting to know each other. Will and Liam have been getting along great (Liam even lets Will put him to sleep when I'm not around). Liam still prefers me which I didn't expect to change (he's a mama's boy) but I love seeing the boys together.

I know that it will take awhile before things are "normal" in our household again but it definitely feels good to have our little family together again.

When Mommies Deploy...

Deployment. This word has been in my life for the past year that Will has been gone. With Will scheduled to be home before Thanksgiving, you would think that the word, "deployment", would leave our family alone for awhile, however, it's starting to rear its ugly head once again. Only this time, it's Mommy who's leaving and Daddy and Liam who'll be staying behind.

I knew that I would be deploying something this next year but it almost seemed like a possibility rather than a reality. Will and I have discussed this a few times but he doesn't want to think about it and neither do I. It's so hard to think about leaving my family (even though I would be gone for only a few months).
Even though I'm sure this is a completely normal response to deploying with a family, I can't help but feel bad for feeling the way I do. Will has been deployed for almost a year. He missed holidays, the birth of his son, our one year anniversary, practically the first year of his son's life and he rarely complains. Here I am, I'd only be gone for a few months and it just seems so hard for me.

Well, enough ranting. Even with an impending deployment looming over our heads, I am going to take it one day at a time and enjoy the fact that my husband will be home soon and our family will be complete once again!

Daddy's Deployment

Daddy's Deployment