Pregnancy Notes // 39 weeks

I honestly did not think I would still be pregnant right now. After my 38 week appointment, my doctor had my hopes up that I'd be meeting this tiny baby within a couple days. Well, a week and two hospital visits later, I'm still pregnant. I actually thought I was in labor twice this week but both times turned out to be nothing. No baby, no progression and now that I'm home, I'm okay with that.

This baby isn't late, I mean, I'm not even due yet. What's the rush? This baby is going to be born into a world of hurrying, of constant busyness. This baby is reminding me to slow down and enjoy our last moments together, in this body, our secret world. There's no reason to rush that. 

Pregnancy Notes // Waiting for baby

I admit, I'm getting impatient. Even though I'm only 37 weeks pregnant, I usually go into labor around this time so I'm anticipating that will be the case this time as well (although I have a feeling, I'll be pregnant for a little while longer). 

I was waiting on some things to arrive (like the super soft blanket from Saranoni in the picture) and now that they're here and everything is freshly washed and packed, I'm even more anxious.

I think this is the most prepared I have ever been before childbirth. The only thing I haven't done is pre-register at the hospital (something I've actually never done) but if I'm still pregnant by my next prenatal appointment on Friday, I'll take care of that then (our hospital and my doctor are in another town about 20 minutes away from our house).

Until then, I'm just trying to remind myself that stressing over things I can't control only hurts, not helps. Our lives will be pretty chaotic for the next few months. There's nothing I can do but embrace the chaos and thrive in it. 

Pregnancy Notes // 37 weeks

Everything about this time, this little baby, this life feels just right yet I can't help but fall into old habits.

The anticipation is here and I'll soon be a mama of three. Three little people to love, to teach, to learn from. This little baby will be joining our chaos soon and I know there will be more lessons for all of us while we're adjusting.

I know that things will not be perfect, that we will have to create a new normal, a new chaos. I know all these things yet my needs for control, for perfection are slowly creeping back in.

I have a feeling that letting go will be the main lesson for me during this time. 

Letting go of control, the idea of perfection and replacing it with joy, laughter, gratitude.

Letting go of rigidness, of aloofness and embracing love and life. 

I'm ready whenever you are little baby. 

Pregnancy Notes // 34 weeks

We're a few days into our 34th week! I'm excited, nervous and a little anxious. I went into labor (naturally) with Asher at 37.5 weeks and I think this little baby will make an early appearance as well. We had our doctor's appointment early this week and everything looked great. I didn't have any contractions during the 20 minutes of monitoring but my doctor said that's completely fine. We scheduled my next appointment but due to the holidays and my doctor's office vacation, I won't see him again until mid January. I have a feeling I won't make it that far but we'll see. Either way, I'm ready for this baby's arrival...sort of...okay, not really but I'm anxiously awaiting the moment I see this baby for the first time. It'll be magically, just like it was the last two times. 

Pregnancy Notes // 32 weeks

Last week, baby and I had our 32 week appointment. At the beginning of our appointment, I spent 20 minutes hooked up to the heart rate/contraction monitor. Once I met with my doctor, he noticed that baby's heart rate was low for a couple minutes at the beginning. Even though everything went back to normal afterwards, he wanted to be on the safe side. He had me schedule an appointment for two days later to come in and get monitored again but this time he wanted me to sit up instead of lay down. 

So baby and I came in for a special Saturday visit. I realized how uncomfortable laying down was compared to sitting up. It usually takes the nurse a minute or so to find the baby's heartbeat but this time, she was able to get it right away. Afterwards, our doctor looked over the results and everything looked perfect. I'll definitely be asking to sit up from now on. I think that will make both of us a lot happier.

Dear Tiny Baby...

As I feel you move within my body, I realize that life wouldn't be the same without you in it. With every kick and stretch, I fall more and more in love with you. This is a feeling that only you and I share and maybe I'm a little selfish but I like it that way. Even though I share the magic of your movements with your dad and brothers, I know that it's not the same. It's almost as if we share a secret world that others get to visit. As much as I want to hold you in my arms, to finally see your face, I'm not ready for this secret world to end. So I'll keep cherishing this time we have together before I have to share you with everyone else. 

Love,

Mama

Pregnancy Notes // 29 Weeks

It's been awhile. I've mostly been away because my phone (which had already had its screen replaced once) broke. I also lost my Nikon charger so I haven't taken any pictures over the last couple weeks.

But on to this little baby! We had our last appointment last week (at 29 weeks exactly) and everything is looking great. The baby is measuring a week ahead (which doesn't bother me since I usually give birth around 37 weeks). My doctor (who I adore) said that the baby has already engaged so I shouldn't have to worry about a breech birth (although it is possible, just unlikely). All in all, everything looked great except for my iron levels. He gave me a prescription (which I still need to fill).

I am hoping to be far more prepared this time around so I have started obsessing over the things I need to do. I'm so ready to hold this little baby in my arms but for now, I'm going to enjoy our last few weeks of pregnancy. 

Pregnancy Notes // 24 Weeks

Today I got to see this little baby again and I fell even more in love. Everything is right on track although I am measuring a week early. That's pretty normal for me though. I'm pretty short so the baby doesn't seem to have anywhere to go but outwards. My doctor estimated that the baby will be between seven and eight pounds at birth which matches with the boys.

This pregnancy has me a bit more stressed about my postpartum body. I didn't really think about it at all with Liam and only a bit with Asher but for some reason, I feel like this time I won't be able to "bounce back". I have all these fears about stretch marks and loose skin and while I try to remind myself that there is little I can do about either, they still weigh on my mind often. I haven't been as active as I hoped with this pregnancy but I was in great shape beforehand. I hope that counts for something.

Other than that, this baby is awesome and I can't wait to continue our bond for the next 16ish weeks.

Pregnancy Notes // 21 Weeks

Already past the halfway mark and it still feels like I saw those two lines yesterday. I'm starting to slow down and enjoy all the joys of being pregnant. I am feeling better than in the beginning even though I am still battling a bit of nausea and heartburn.

When I first became pregnant, things were so rough that I added meat back into my diet. I felt horrible doing so but it was the best decision for me at the time. I plan to return to a mostly vegetarian diet after this little baby is born. I think I'll add fresh fish into our diet once we hit O'ahu next year. 

As of right now, I'm just enjoying life, enjoying my boys and trying to stay active when I feel good. These past 21 weeks really haven't been that bad. 

Pregnancy Notes // 18 Weeks

As I'm writing this, baby #3 is thumping away as I try to wrap my head around the fact that I'm already 18 weeks along in this pregnancy. It seems to have gone by so fast, yet the beginning seemed to go on forever.

This pregnancy has been different than the last two. For the first 12 weeks, I was so sick. I had morning sickness with the boys but this was on a completely different level. My days consisted of surviving until Will got home, then laying in bed for the rest of the night. I started to get a little depressed and now I realize that it was mostly due to being homesick. I've always done things on my own but I've never ventured too far from my mom (I'll admit that I'm a mama's girl).  This has been the longest I've gone without seeing her as well as my first pregnancy without her (we left Kansas during my second trimester with Asher). It took quite a bit of adjustment to realize that I needed to rely on Will as much as I did. 

I'm hoping that as I start to feel better and better, I take the time to really embrace this pregnancy. It's going by so fast that I fear the experience will become an afterthought. After all, this will likely be my last time growing a little baby. 

We've been keeping a secret

So, I've been MIA for awhile and most of it had to do with life (I'm completely off schedule/routine and for a type-A personality like myself, that spells disaster) but a little of it had to do with our tiny secret: We're pregnant!

I found out really early. I was feeling a bit off (I had heartburn which I've only had while pregnant) so I decided to test, just to be sure.

I took the test and wait a minute before picking it up to take a peek. The two lines were already visible and I knew we were expecting. I had Will take a look, just to be sure I wasn't crazy. Nope, I was sane and there were two lines!

We decided to wait until my first appointment to announce it. I actually didn't see my doctor until I was 12 weeks along but after seeing that everything is going great, it was a huge relief. 

I'll try to do weekly updates during this pregnancy. It'll be neat for the boys to see. We've been looking at baby pictures of both boys and they're both excited for a new baby to arrive.